


In Just One Autumn

by mylittlecthulhu (marineko)



Series: Seasons [2]
Category: Arashi (Band), Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-04-29
Updated: 2010-04-29
Packaged: 2017-10-23 08:38:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/248367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marineko/pseuds/mylittlecthulhu





	In Just One Autumn

_I wish I had never known  
A heart that beats just like my own  
How could someone so close become so far away  
In just a day_  
\- "Just A Day" by The Softies

Sho stumbled over a piece of luggage someone had left in the corridors, and bit his lips before he could utter a curse. He was glad that school was starting again, but this year he wasn’t as excited as he usually would be at the start of the new term. As he reached the door to his room, he heard a shout behind him.

“Sakurai!”

Recognising the voice, he turned, fixing a polite smile on his face. “Yes, Miyazawa-sensei?”

“Since Imai-kun have graduated, you’ll have a new roommate this year. This is Matsumoto; I’ll leave him in your care, okay?” With that, Miyazawa-sensei patted the shoulder of the boy next to him, pushed him forwards, and left. He walked down the hallway, shouting at students to make sure their bags are out of the way, and disappeared down the stairs to the first floor, presumably to greet the first years.

The boy, Matsumoto, grinned shyly. “Pleased to meet you.”

“Yeah, same here.” Sho glared at the direction where their teacher had disappeared to. He really wasn’t in the mood to take care of a new student.  _Couldn’t they have moved another senior into my room?_  “I’m Sakurai Sho, third year.” He didn’t look at the new kid, since he was unlocking the door.

“Matsumoto Jun,” the boy replied uncertainly. “I’m in the second year, but I just transferred from a different school.”

“Isn’t that weird, to transfer in the second semester?”

“I guess...” The boy didn’t offer any other information, and Sho didn’t really feel curious enough to ask. 

Opening the door, Sho flipped on the switches and gestured at the double-decker bed. “I’m on the lower bunk, so you could take the top one. You could put your clothes in that closet over there, and use that desk. That bookcase over there is for you, too,” he said, pointing as he spoke. He knew that he was being rather abrupt, but he didn’t feel up to being nice.

* * *

Jun was confused.

Miyazawa-sensei had told him that he would fit in right away, that his roommate was one of the most reliable and looked up to seniors around. Instead, Sho seemed like the kind of senior one would want to avoid. He was worried if he had annoyed the older boy, or did something to cause Sho to be so short with him.

He unpacked slowly. Sho hadn’t bothered to unpack, and had just dumped his bag in front of his closet, and was now reading in bed. Jun tried to be as quiet as he possibly could as he unpacked, not wanting to bother Sho. He was already done with his clothes, and was now shelving the novels and manga he had brought with him, as well as his school texts.

When someone knocked at their door loudly, Jun jerked, startled, and dropped the books in his arms. Sho just glanced at him in slight irritation, and said, “come in!”

The door opened, and the first thing Jun saw was a concerned face looking at him. “Did I do that?” the boy asked, looking at the books on the floor. “I’m sorry.”

“Ah, it’s fine,” Jun replied quickly.  _Another senior?_  he wondered. This boy looked like a nice person, though. As he walked into the room, he immediately went to Jun and helped to pick up the books.

“I’m Ohno Satoshi,” he said. “You’re Sho’s new roommate?”

“Y-yeah,” Jun stammered. “I’m Matsumoto. Um, Jun.” The tips of his ears were starting to grow pink, he knew.  _Stupid, just because he’s the first person to be nice to you in awhile, it doesn’t mean that you have to be so nervous!_  “Thank you,” he said quietly, taking the books from Ohno.

“Sho, you haven’t even unpacked yet,” Ohno said, frowning. “And how come you’re not helping Jun out? I was just at Toma’s room just now, and he said you haven’t gone to see him yet.”

Sho sat up, and put his book aside. He paused for a moment, and Jun thought he was going to be angry, but he just gave a strained smile. “Sorry. I’ve got stuff on my mind right now. Jun,” he said, causing Jun snap to attention. “This is Ohno-senpai. He’s not actually a student here; he graduated a couple of years ago. Most of the students here go on to study at the next door college, and it’s school tradition that one of these students would stay behind in the high school dorms as Miyazawa-sensei’s assistant. He drew the short straw this year. So if you have a problem or need anything, he’s your go-to guy.”

“I see,” Jun said, looking at Ohno again. Somehow, he didn’t look like a college student to Jun. “Pleased to meet you.”

* * *

Things were difficult for Jun at first. He got along well with his classmates, and they were all friendly, but it was the second semester of the second year in school, so everyone had already settled into cliques, and Jun felt like the odd one out most of the time. He enjoyed their company in class, but he would sit by himself or with Sho (who was decidedly friendlier than the first impression he gave Jun, even if he did have a habit of staring into space) and Sho’s best friend, Ikuta-senpai, during break time. Outside of class, he spent his evenings studying or exploring the school grounds by himself.

He was reading in the small park behind the dorms one day, when Ohno sat next to him. 

“Ohno-senpai?”

“Hey. How are things?” Ohno asked, shifting to make himself comfortable, and looking up at the sky. 

“Things are fine, I guess.” Jun felt his ears growing warm again. There was something about Ohno’s kindness, he thought. Even things that are really simple, that people say on a daily basis, like ‘how are you’ - even these things sounded more real, more sincere, coming from Ohno. As if he really cared, and wasn’t just making conversation.

“Are you making friends already?”

Jun looked down. “Sort of.”

“What do you mean, sort of?”

“Well, everyone’s already got their own groups and stuff, so...” Jun trailed off, embarrassed.  _He must think I’m really lame, that I can’t make friends properly_ , he thought.

Ohno just nodded. “It’s hard when you transfer in the middle of the school year.”

Jun didn’t reply. Ohno’s words washed over him, and filled him with warmth. He couldn’t think of words that would express how those words made him feel. Like he could finally calm down a little, but at the same time it made his heart beat rapidly. Somehow, ‘thank you’ didn’t seem appropriate enough. So he didn’t say anything. Willing his heart to slow down, he took a deep breath, despite the frostiness of the early autumn air. He then let out his breath in a puff of white air, just as slowly.

Ohno was watching him with interest. “Your ears get really pink sometimes, did you know that?” 

Of course, it only made them pinker. Ohno reached out to touch Jun’s right ear, and Jun’s breathing stilled, because he was afraid that if he moved even slightly, Ohno would stop. Ohno’s fingers felt warm.  _Like a really nice hot bath, when it’s cold outside._  

“They’re cold,” Ohno murmured, a hint of surprise in his voice. His touch lingered there for a moment, before he pulled back. “Sorry,” he muttered.

“It’s okay,” Jun said, almost in a croak. His cleared his throat. “I need to go.”

He ran all the way to his room. Even Miyazawa-sensei yelling at him for running in the hallway didn’t make him slow down or stop.

 _I like him_ , he thought.  _It’s happening all over again._

He climbed onto the top bunk and fell into his bed, short of breath, trembling from the fear and excitement that came with the realisation.  _I really like him._

* * *

“Sho, spit it out,” Toma said, with a teasing grin. “I know you went and got yourself a girl over the summer. The postcard I got from you sounded too damned  _happy_ , and I _know_  that you usually hated summer vacation.”

Jun looked down at his lunch, unsure if he was supposed to hear the conversation. But Toma was the one who had asked him to join them for lunch anyway, so what else was he supposed to do? 

“I told you, nothing happened,” Sho said flatly. “My summer was as boring as it usually was.”

“I bet you got dumped when the holidays ended, didn’t you?” Toma said lightly. “Don’t take it too seriously; summer flings always end, you know?” Jun’s eyes darted towards Sho for a moment, and caught his roommate’s reaction, even if Toma didn’t. For a brief moment, there was a bleak, forlorn look in Sho’s eyes. Jun quickly turned back to his meal. He wished he was somewhere else. Anywhere but here.

Sho’s expression reminded him too much of himself.

“Ikuta-senpai,” he said evenly, “could you please help me with my science paper after school? I heard that you were the best person to ask.”

Distracted, Toma’s attention turned to the younger boy. “What? Oh. Yeah, sure. What did you need help with, exactly?”

Jun asked Toma questions that he already knew the answers to, and didn’t glance at Sho even once during the conversation. He didn’t see the grateful look his roommate threw him.

* * *

“I hear that you’ve been looking after Sho, instead of the other way around.”

Jun hated the way his heart leapt the moment he heard Ohno’s voice. It had been almost two weeks since the time in the park. Frowning, he said, “I didn’t do anything.”

“That’s not what Toma told me.” Ohno smiled. “It’s okay. I’m telling you that it’s good, not scolding you, you know.”

Jun nodded. “Sakurai-senpai helps me out with things, too.”  _Sometimes. If he could tear his eyes away from the book he kept reading over and over when he thinks no one’s watching._

“Really? I guess you don’t need me, then.” Ohno made as if he was about to leave, and Jun immediately took hold of the edge of his sleeve.

“I missed you,” he suddenly said. He didn’t know why he said that. He just hadn’t wanted Ohno to leave. And now he had said the one thing guaranteed to make the older boy leave.

Ohno’s smile disappeared. “It’s good that you’re adjusting to this school, Jun, but it would probably a good idea if you made more friends from your own year. Both Sho and Toma are graduating this year, you know. And next year someone else would be coming here to assist Miyazawa-sensei.”

Jun let go of Ohno’s sleeve. “I know,” he said softly, but he didn’t think Ohno heard him.

* * *

The room was empty when Jun returned. There was a note left for him on his desk, weighted down by a pen. 

         _I’m hanging out at Toma’s room.  
        Come and join us if you feel like it!  
        - Sho_

He didn’t feel like it. Normally he would have gone, but he remembered Ohno’s words. 

 _It would probably a good idea if you made more friends from your own year._

It wasn’t like he didn’t have friends. It just that he wasn’t very close with any of them. It was just that he preferred Sho, Toma, and Ohno’s company. Especially Ohno’s. Was that such a bad thing?

Feeling suddenly very tired, he headed towards his bed, when the book on Sho’s desk caught his eyes.

It was the book that Sho read all the time.

Jun had always wondered about that book. He loved reading, and he knew that it was rare to find a book that made one want to re-read it over and over. What was it about the book that fascinated his roommate? Perhaps it was just a sentence or a paragraph, since he never really noticed Sho flipping any pages when he read.

Tentatively, Jun picked up the book. He looked at the spine, and found the crack where it had been opened too often. Flipping through the pages, he realised that it wasn’t the book that Sho had been reading, after all.

It was a letter, kept within the book.

He knew that he should have placed the book back on Sho’s desk the moment he realised it, but he was too curious, and the signature at the bottom of the letter - Masaki - caught his attention. 

He understood, suddenly, that this must be the ‘girlfriend’ that Toma had been teasing Sho about.  _Except that it’s not a girl._

Jun could feel his cheeks grow warmer as he read the letter. He hadn’t realised, he thought, that Sho might have known exactly how he felt. He placed book back on the desk, thinking about the times he had seen Sho staring into space, or all the times Sho was reading that book, or rather, re-reading the letter.  _Sakurai-senpai must have been really in love_ , he thought, feeling guilty for intruding into Sho’s private life. But the knowledge emboldened him, a little. He realised that he didn’t think it was wrong at all, that Sho might love another boy.  _So why can’t I think the same thing about myself?_

Instead of going to bed, he left the room, and walked straight to Ohno’s.

* * *

He had thought that he knew what he wanted to say, but when Ohno opened the door, Jun found himself tongue-tied. In the end, all he could say was, “I’m sorry.”

“What for?” Ohno asked, perplexed.

“For saying weird stuff to you the other day.”

Ohno seemed to remember, and said, “I’m sorry, too.” He gestured for Jun to come in, so that they could talk.

“The truth is,” Ohno said, when they were inside, “I missed you, too. But it didn’t make sense to me, because we hardly knew each other.”

Jun nodded. He understood. “I have something to tell you,” he said.

* * *

He told Ohno everything. How popular he had been in his previous school. How he had many friends, and had had a serious crush on one of them. How that person seemed to like him back, at first. How it would have been perfect, except that it was a boy that he had had a crush on, and when their other friends found out, nobody would talk to him at school again. Even the boy he liked; in order to save himself, his crush had said that it was all Jun’s fault, that Jun had forced his feelings on him, that he had nothing to do with it.

What started as a small, innocent thing, grew out of proportion. Soon the school board found out, and informed his parents, who didn’t know how to deal with the situation, and decided to send him away instead. “That was why I transferred here,” he said softly, finishing his story.

Ohno listened to him without interrupting. When he was done, Ohno still didn’t say a word. Jun waited for what seemed to him like forever, but there was no response from the other boy. In the end, unable to bear the silence between them, Jun did the thing he wanted to do the most.

He kissed Ohno.

It felt like - he didn’t know how it felt like. Like he had stepped into the sky was soaring at super speed, without enough time to even think about what was going on. Like watching the autumn leaves fall, feeling the cold air and seeing his own breath puff out, quiet and pure and clean. Like everything good that had ever happened to him, all of them at the same time, overwhelming him. Like he finally understood that however lost he may feel about anything else, there was one thing in the world that he was absolutely certain about, and that was Ohno.

Except Ohno had pulled back suddenly, and pushed Jun away, gently. “Jun,” Ohno said quietly. 

Jun knew what Ohno was going to say. This was wrong.  _It really is happening all over again_ , he thought.  _Except that this time, it’s not a stupid crush. I really do like him._

“I’m sorry,” Ohno said. The kind way he said it, like he was trying his best to be nice, made Jun want to cry. 

He shook his head. “No,” he choked out. “I’m the one who’s sorry.”

* * *

Ohno had tried to speak to Jun again, several times after that night, but Jun managed to avoid the older boy. After awhile, Jun stopped seeing Ohno around. He would have thought that Ohno had left his position as Miyazawa-sensei’s assistant, but he knew from Sho and Toma that Ohno was still around. It was amazing, he thought, how you could live in the same building and completely miss each other all the time.

It was amazing how everything could change in so short a time. He no longer cared about what his classmates back home thought, or what his current classmates might think. He told Sho and Toma the truth, and they accepted him as he was. He knew that Sho would understand, but he was touched by Toma’s immediate acceptance.

“I knew all along,” Toma had said. “I mean, all through the semester, you seemed pretty lost and depressed, but you always perked up when Ohno-senpai was around.”

There was still that ache he felt whenever he thought of Ohno, but he had gotten used to it. “What about Sakurai-senpai, then?” he asked, without thinking. 

Grinning, Toma said, “you mean, his pining for the mysterious Masaki?”

Jun nodded, dumbfounded. He hadn’t known that Toma knew.

“I suspected that something was up from the beginning of the semester. Naturally, I looked into his book when he wasn’t looking, and found that letter.” Turning serious, Toma said, “I just rag on him because it’s what we do. He knows I don’t mean any of it.” Putting an arm over Jun’s shoulders, he continued, “you, too. You could always count on us, okay?”

Jun nodded again, unable to speak. He had heard earlier that day that both Sho and Toma had applied to be Miyazawa-sensei’s new assistant when Ohno left. They still had one more semester to go before graduation, but they decided to send in their application early. They had figured that with two of them applying, there was a higher chance of one of them getting the position. Jun knew that they did it for him, so that he would still have a friend around. 

It was funny, Jun thought, how the worst thing that happened to him was also one of the best. He may have to live with the pain of Ohno’s rejection, but for the first time, he had friends he knew he could count on.

 


End file.
